Ed’s parents have taken a little vacation, a long weekend, just the two of them. They asked Ed to look after their dogs while they were gone. Of course, he said yes. Said he’d even be happy to do it. It’s a real honest-to-goodness vacation for them and it’s been far too long since their last one.
So tonight, after Ed and the boys and I watched a movie (Brave–loved it!) and had dinner (Tex-Mex–awesome!!), we dropped in at his parents house to feed the dogs and give them some attention. Sir Patrick Mayo is a standard French poodle. He’s champagne colored and likes getting his hair cut and styled like a fluffy 80′s perm until Ed reminds him what a waste of time his pride is and then he sulks. There’s Julie the Boston Bulldog who is absolutely positive that she’s the top dog and she will take down any male dog who tests her authority. Yes, being a Boston Bulldog, she only weighs 20 pounds. She’s still top dog! And then there’s Burban, the pup of their pack. He’s a full blood mutt who happens to be mostly black with a small white patch on his chest. He was named Burban because my in-laws found him sleeping in their garage as a puppy underneath the suburban. If my mother-in-law had accidentally put the car into drive instead of reverse, things would’ve turned out badly. Fortunately for all of us, she didnt’. Burban most enjoys chasing after cats and boys and Julie and wreaking havoc wherever possible. It’s just that everything is so exciting and he has too much energy and he’s really not sure what to do with all that energy!
Once Julie and Burban had licked their bowls clean and Patrick refused to admit there was food in his bowl or that his body required any sort of sustenance, we let all the dogs run through the house and chase after the boys. That is why you have children, right? To wear down the dogs? Anyway, the dogs and the boys made multiple trips up and down the long hall and scattered the rugs and absolutely nothing fragile was broken. After the dogs and the boys looked sufficiently tired, the young dogs were put in the back yard and Ed and I went to find Sir Patrick Mayo. Sir Patrick Mayo was cowering on top of Ed’s parents bed and shivering because he absolutely knew he had been abandoned and his people were never coming back.
And then, I noticed it. My dear in-laws, most likely my father-in-law, had taken louvered doors-the quarter width ones you might have found on a closet door back in the 80′s- and propped them up along both sides of the bed. There has always been a wooden box at the foot of the bed so the dogs could easily climb onto the bed. But this, this was too much. Their bedroom has a dark, gothic feel to it anyway, but now, you can’t see under the bed at all! It totally freaked me out! You have no idea what might be hiding under the bed waiting to grab your foot while you’re sleeping! Mummy? Vampire? Crazed Murderer? Werewolf? Zombie? Alien? You have no idea! Any one of them could be under the bed and you would be totally unaware!
I told Ed and the boys about this. I described the fear with which one might be jolted when said unknown creature grabbed their sleeping foot and pulled them under the bed and started eating their organs. I even demonstrated the scream which might slip from their mouths.
They all looked at me like I was crazy.
“Where do you get this stuff?” asked Logan. (He can be a cynical little monster some times.)
“Dude,” I said, “You don’t understand! Oma made me watch all of the scary movies when I was your age. She wouldn’t let me go to sleep. She made me watch every single scary movie ever made just because she didn’t want to watch them by herself. She said she was preparing me for a potential attack. I mean really, if a poltergeist was going to target just one person, it would be her and not me. The point is, I know all about these kinds of things and you always leave the space under the bed within clear sight so you can see any monsters under the bed! It should be a law!”
“Mom, you’re weird,” said Trip.
“I don’t want to watch any more movies with you, Mom,” said Logan.
I think Ed just rolled his eyes at my histrionics.
I might have seen a zombie hand pushing the louvered door out of its way.